I started getting itchy ears, and I couldn't understand why. It was especially annoying if I had just inserted my AirPods Pro into my ears as I would have to remove them, thus muting playback so that I could scratch them.
All this itching of ears made me wonder if this was a little known early-onset symptom of COVID 19, after all, it seems anyone with an internet connection and a video camera can be an expert on virology right now!
Once I had come to my senses, I discovered the cause of the itching; it is my hair. Well, when I say my hair, it's the same hair I've always had, but with one significant difference, it's not been cut for weeks. Leaving my hair go unchecked is a bad idea as it manifests several undesirable things. First, when my hair is longer, it goes wildly out of control and looks like a poorly fitting wig. Secondly, it goes all stringy and wispy and in places it looks like metal wire. Thirdly, a lot more grey starts to show through and as I often joke with the barber when he asks what I want I ask him to cut out the grey bits and leave the rest. Now it seems there's a fourth problem when I allow my hair to grow, my ears itch.
Some have suggested I cut it myself, that's an easy way to resolve the problem. I suppose given that I'm not seeing anyone then I could take some scissors and give it a go, what have I got to lose you ask? Perhaps an ear... or two!
What does all this have to do with mastering you might be asking? It's an illustration I've been using for a long time as to the reason I want a mastering engineer to master my tracks.
Let's look at the hair cutting parallels in this illustration...
I Could Cut The Hair Myself
I could try and cut my hair; I could watch a few YouTube videos grab the scissors from the kitchen draw and give it a go. I might do some kind of job, but I won't be able to see my head from every angle, I certainly won't have the perspective of my barber. I can't see my head as others see it.
This is the number one reason I choose not to master my music; an objective perspective on my mix from someone who hears a lot of tracks and also has the skill to know what to do if things are wrong.
A good mastering engineer also has the right tools to get my mix in shape; in many cases, we have the audio equivalent of kitchen scissors.
I Could Ask My Wife To Cut My Hair
That's a possibility; she certainly has a better perspective of my head. However, she doesn't have the skill, the tools and it's possible there's going to be tears, or divorce if it goes wrong.
You could ask a friend to master your tracks, but they might not have either the skill or the tools, however willing they are to 'give it a go!'
If you've ever tried to do someone a favour by mixing or mastering their track you might have discovered it's great if they are happy but not so great when they're not. So be cautious about either asking a friend or offering to mix or master their tracks. Flying too close to the sun can have disastrous effects.
I Could Buy The SuperMaster 10000 Haircutter From Amazon
For those of a certain age, you'll recall Victor Kiam and the Remington commercials in the 1970s. Or indeed the K-Tel products of that era too. There were TV spots that advertised wonder products that were so revolutionary 'he bought the company!'
My Facebook and Instagram feed is full of adverts for things I never thought I needed, like a clip to put under doors, so you never have to open it with your hands, 'perfect in a pandemic' said the voiceover as I watched the awful video. I've bought all sorts of shit in a moment of madness when watching some of these adverts - after all, how have I survived without them for this long?
There are products like this to cut my hair on Amazon, eBay and plastered all over social media right now. Is an auto-haircutter the answer to all my problems?
Perhaps, but it's going to be a compromise, not a professional solution because only a moron would think there's a button that can replace the perspective, skill, experience and tools of a professional.
There are plenty of great all-in-one 'silver bullet' plugins on the market some are very good, notably Softube's Drawmer S73, the Brainworx bx_masterdesk and the iZotope Ozone. All of these are great solutions for those who want to add a final polish to a mix; some are even used by mastering engineers. I have all of them and use them when I'm mixing from time to time.
However, even the many great products available are unable to give me what a mastering engineer does - a new perspective on my creative efforts.
Get A New Point Of View
Some of us are unable to afford a mastering engineer, and if that's you then as I've already said, some fantastic plugins can help you to self-master at home. But if it's not money but hubris that prevents you from even considering the skills of a mastering engineer, then I would encourage you to give it a try. I've been using them for years, and I've never felt that I've wasted money or could have done it myself. On the contrary, I've been amazed at how they took what I thought was a great mix and made it sound even better.
For now, I'm living with all the downsides of having hair that looks like some kind of lousy wig and the itching. I could cut it myself, but I'd rather leave the job to someone who knows what they are doing.
STAY SAFE.